Halloween Candy: What a JERK....

Halloween Candy:  Hey there!

Me: Oh!  Shit.  I didn’t see you there.

Halloween Candy:  Oh yes.  It’s that time of year again, Robyn!  You can eat as much as you want of me!!  I’m so small and unassuming.  There’s no WAY I have as much calories or sugar as you think!  How can I?  I’m so SMALL……

Me: NO!  No way.  I’m sorry, Halloween Candy.  I just can’t this year.

HC: What do you mean?  We’re best friends, you and me.  Remember Trick or Treating when you were little?  You and your sister used PILLOW cases, you loved me so much.  You’d lay me out on the living room floor and trade the things you didn’t like, remember?  Then when you were a young adult, you’d buy me for the trick or treaters, but no one ever came by so you ate all of me before the 2^nd week of November!  Now that you’re an adult, I’m in your office!  Every woman named Barb, Nancy or Kathy has an orange pumpkin bucket filled with delicious treats!  You can’t get away from me…..

Me:  I know.

HC: That’s right…….just take one……then another…and another…….and another…..no one’s watching…..

Me: OK.  But, just the Tootsie Rolls, I heard they are fat free, which means good for you, right?  Then I’ll just have ONE fun size Snickers.  No biggie.  Oh!  And one of those peanut butter chocolate balls with the foil wrap that looks like an eyeball.  Score.  OK, ONE tiny bag of Skittles.  ONE two pack of Starburst.  OK.  Now, that’s it.  That’s really it.

HC:  NO WAY!  You can have more!  The pieces are so teeny tiny!  It’s not like eating a WHOLE candy bar.  You deserve this little treat anyways, Robyn.  You’ve been working so hard.  Please.  Enjoy…..

Me: Shut up, just shut up, just.  Shut.  Up.  (Garth from Wayne’s World style).  You’re a JERK!  You were never my friend.  You trickster!  You chocolate devil!  You false sized little minx!  I had my Tootsie Roll, baby Snickers, eyeball, Skittles and two Starburst.  They were delicious!  But, that's it.  They were TREATS.  That means a special indulgence not to be had too often because it will lose the very definition of treat!  Be gone with ye!

**POOF!**

Happy Halloween!!

XOXOXO