Office Donuts...so much you could GO nuts.....

Why do people insist on bringing donuts into work for any kind of celebration?  Birthday donuts, anniversary donuts, Bosses Day donuts, promotion donuts, pay day donuts, I got to work on time donuts, both of my socks are matching today donuts.  When did donuts become synonymous with office treats?  I get that milestones need to be celebrated, I’d freak out if ANYONE forgot my birthday…..ANY.  ONE.  But can’t we think of a more appropriate treat for such occasions?  There doesn’t have to be a caloric equivalent to a warm “congratulations”, does there?  Here are a few suggestions for congratulatory tokens to be given and received freely in any office setting, for any occasion, instead of donuts:

1.        Money.  I mean, who doesn’t like money?  Even if it’s a dollar.  If everyone gave you a dollar in your office, you’d have at LEAST $50 bucks by the end of the day.  Then you can go out and get a manicure, or pay half your phone bill, or grocery shop at the EXPENSIVE store in town for tonight’s dinner….I don’t know.  I don’t really care what you do with the money; just don’t buy donuts to bring into work with it.

2.       A cute pencil.  Personally, I keep many different colored and patterned pencils in my drawer to match my outfit each day.  Who says I can’t start a trend of pencil-shirt matching?  I think if we all collectively agreed on this option, we could trade, borrow and collect all kinds of fun and funky pencils from each other.  FUN!  SO fun.  Start the pencil thing in your office tomorrow.

3.       A token of some kind.  Remember Shrute Bucks?  Similar principle.  There could be, like, wooden nickels that everyone gets when they first start in your office.  Maybe 20.  Then you can give your tokens out to whoever you want to congratulate!  Don’t worry; people will be giving YOU tokens when you do good stuff, too!  Win/Win.  What can you redeem with the tokens you collect?  I don’t know, you figure that part out.  I don’t know where you work and what your people would like.  Shit.

4.       OK, you know when you have a document and its 1 page long, but you don’t notice that there’s a blank second page, so when you print it, you have a totally blank piece of paper along with your document??  Use that piece of paper to make a card!  Simple.  And the dirty hippies will thank you for not wasting paper. 

5.       Why don’t you guys just bring in a donut box full of vegetables?!  People will be very excited to see the box, then when they open it….BLAMMO!  Veggies.  They will be forced to eat the vegetables as to not be rude.  Again….Win/Win.  C’mon.

I’m sure there are many more examples of replacement gifts instead of donuts, so use your imagination. 

I guess the bottom line is this:  If you work with me, please don’t bring in donuts.  I will eat more than my fair share when no one is looking and when someone says, “Hey!  Where did all the donuts go?” I’ll be like “WHAT?!  All the donuts are gone??!  MAN, some people are pigs.  Why didn’t we just give Barb a cute pencil that matches her blouse for her Birthday?!”

And……scene.

XOXOXO