It's very hard......

I work for a cancer hospital and it is very hard. It is very hard because I talk with people every day who are battling a disease that I have only known to kill. It is very hard because I have to talk with human beings, who are scared that they will die, about money…the absolute last thing they want to talk about. I can hear in their voices that they are scared. I can hear in their spouse’s voices that they are mad that this disease is infecting their partner’s bodies. I can hear in their adult children’s voices that they are serious about fighting for their parent’s life, just as their parent’s fought for them their whole lives. I can hear all of this just by talking to them,because I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that phone and not know what the hell is going on except that someone I love is sick.

I’ve often thought about looking for another job. Every single day I am reminded that both of my parents are gone because of cancer. Then I’m reminded how my Dad forged a new family when my Mom died, and how I was left all alone when my Dad died. Then a patient will come to my office to talk face to face and I have to smile while looking at the same bald head I looked at 16 years ago when it was my Mom.  Then I look at the framed picture of the two most important people in my life and have to remind myself, again, that I can't call them after work.  These are not great things to think about every single day from 8:30am to 5:00 pm.  But, if I'm not there to help patients and family members that are going through the same thing I went through, who will?  Someone with regular old customer service experience?  Someone who looks at the computer screen and sees numbers instead of people going through the worst time of their lives?  No way.

 I have been cursed out by people who say that all we care is money, not healing their wife/husband/sister/brother/mother/father. I have helped people get all of their balances written off without having to pay a dime of the $250,000 their insurance refused to pay. I have cried with patients, I have laughed with daughters, I have argued with husbands and every emotion and type of person in between. It’s exhausting. But the thing that keeps me there is just knowing that I am making a difference. I am helping someone who is going through the same thing my family went through the best way I know how without having a medical degree. I’m helping people understand their insurance benefits and I am arguing with those same insurances to get our patient’s claims paid so they have one less thing to worry about.  Sometimes I get a chip on my shoulder and find myself thinking, "MY parents died, why shouldn't they?"  That's not right and that's not fair...but I think it anyway....sometimes.  My job is exhausting, but I truly do love it.  I try to take the coldest part of health care - MONEY - and make it warm and caring.  I try to go about it in a real but compassionate way.  It's hard.  It's really hard.  But I do it.  I do it for my parents.  I do it for my sister.  I do it for myself.  But, I especially do it for everyone who is going through this fucked up roller coaster that is cancer, so they can have one less thing to worry about because they know I'm on the case.

XOXOXOXO