Chocolate Chip Cookies.....

I was as at work on Friday afternoon, minding my own business, when an EVIL co-worker came over to MY cubicle with a tray full of cookies the size of your head.  Literally.  They were the biggest chocolate chip cookies I had ever seen.  They were flat and perfect and looked like they were just the slightest bit raw in the middle....my weakness.  That chewy, moist and sinful center of not-totally-baked chocolate chip cookie is my Kryptonite.  I tried to politely refuse this wonderful treat, but she said the one thing I knew I couldn't resist...."Why don't you take one for your boyfriend and one for you to have tomorrow morning with coffee?"  Now, she was a sweet gal.  She didn't know that I was refusing her treat because I knew I would eat the entire tray of cookies should they be left unattended.  She especially didn't know that I was subconsciously hoping she would offer me more then one so I could eat them ALL in  my car.  I hadn't eaten ONE treat, sugared or otherwise, all week.  I was DYING for those cookies.  I politely refused once more, she insisted that I take two and even put them in my own special container for transport.  Those cookies never stood a chance. 

I had eaten the first one before I even left me desk.  Then the second one was just sitting there, so lonely.  My boyfriend would never even know I had a treat for him.  No one would.  I scarfed down the second cookie 30 seconds before I left work for the day.

When I got to my car, I knew I had made a mistake.  Why did I do that?  This was the NEW Robyn.  New Robyn would have just simply said, "Those look delicious, but I'm trying to watch what I eat.  Thank you so much for thinking of me though!"   But I didn't.  I ate those raw, ginormous, delicious cookies and I didn't even enjoy them.  I just ate them because they were there.  As I drove to my friend's house to pick her up for a Friday evening shopping outing, my stomach started to turn.  I picked her up and headed for Gurnee.  I told her that my tummy hurt, but that it wouldn't stop our shop-date.  Half way there, my mouth started watering.  Oh shit.  This is not a drill.  I'm going to puke.  I pulled into a subdivision, my friend was confused.  "What are you doing?"  I couldn't talk right away.  "I'm gonna puke, dude."  We spent the next 2 minutes looking through our respective purses for a hair tie.  Found one.  I pulled my hair back, got out of the car, and projectile vomited in some stranger's yard.

I'm not telling you this stuff to gross you out.  I'm telling you this to 1) confess to all of you my downfalls and not-so-great moments and 2) to tell you about the silver lining.  Since the puking incident, the thought of cookies, cake, pie, anything sweet, really, makes me sick.  I even had to dump out my coffee this morning because it had a tiny splash of pumpkin spice creamer.  I think that cookie eating tragedy was my rock bottom, guys.  I had eaten enough shitty sweets to make me vomit.  I can only go up from here.  I think I needed that dramatic incident to really open my eyes to what my eating addiction is doing to me and my body.  I'm confessing my sins, paying for them and coming out the other side with a different perspective about it.  I guess that's what life's about.

XOXOXOXO