Confessions of a jerk-face.......

I am a procrastinator.  I am sometimes very lazy and would rather be home, relaxing with my boyfriend then really anything else.  I am unapologetically selfish and I think everyone should be.  I think the word "selfish" shouldn't  always have negative conotations, by the way.  I believe everyone has one life and they should live it how they like, as long as they let me do the same.  I am bothered by a lot and take action very little.  I help when I can and I don’t when I don’t feel like it, unless it’s a matter of life or death, which it rarely is.  I say I’m going to do things and sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.  I don’t see the big deal in doing things that feel and seem good at the time.  I used to care a lot about everyone and every little thing, but I don’t as much anymore.  I’m not sure if it’s my age or my experiences, but I am realizing more and more that people are mostly jerks and, given the chance, most people will do things that will benefit themselves before others.  And it’s OK.  It’s human nature.

Having said all that, it was brought to my attention yesterday that there were some people who really liked my blog and were inspired by it.  Everything’s awesome in the beginning.  I had big ideas of writing about losing weight and having pounds magically melt off my body just by watching the “how many times your blog has been viewed” ticker go up.  That will not happen, I’m fully aware, but it felt like it might.  It really did.  The truth is that I felt the pressure to blog every day about losing weight, even though I’m the one that had the idea.  I just thought it would get annoying to readers eventually…like how many blogs can you read that start with, “I’m fat and I’m tired of it” or “I went to the gym today..”  I wouldn’t want to read that.  You wouldn’t either.  I set myself up for failure and I’m pretty sure I knew it from the beginning.

I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks and I hate it with a passion when I'm there.  I've eaten so many desserts and fattening foods over the past week, I've stopped trying to keep track altogether.  My job is becoming stressful and I find myself coming home, putting on my pajama pants and playing Bingo online for most of the night.  That is the truth. 

ANYways, here I am, starting over.  Again.  Blogging feels good, so I'm going to continue to write.  Maybe it won't be ALL about weight loss, but it will definitely be about something real.  Real to me, anyways. 

Thanks for reading.

XOXOXO