I distinctly remember writing a paper in high school about what my adult life would look like in my 16 year old mind. A college graduate, a record producer (which I'm still not really even sure of what that ACTUALLY is), a wife, a mother, a home owner and, inexplicably to me as a grown up version of that student, a vegetarian. I had it all figured out, as the assignment was to be as detailed as possible. I would wake up, get the 2.5 kids ready for school, see my architect husband off to work, and go to my recording studio (what??). I remember the paper detailed that I would meet "the band" at the studio (this making me laugh, like out loud, right now) and we would lay down some tracks (laughing harder). Then I would pick the kids up from school, make them do their homework, play with our yellow lab named Mustard (I was a weird 16 year old), and prepare some delicious vegetarian meal. My husband would come from architecting (I don't know....drawing a futuristic mall all day or something?) and we would all tell each other about our day. Repeat 5 days a week and on weekends we would go to Monster Truck rallies or art museums or volunteer at a homeless shelter. This was the ideal life of my teenage self, I guess.
I have none of these things. I am not married, no kids, no house, no Mustard. I'm not a record producer (someone seriously tell what that really is) nor did I graduate college. I eat a lot of various meats and have never even considered being a vegetarian. Not once. I have none of these things, yet I'm happy. Take THAT 16 year old me!
I think that, from an early age, we are programmed to want the cool things we see around us. Obviously. What else is there to want besides what you have been positively surrounded by? When you're a kid, you think the families on your favorite sitcom are something you aspire to have. You think that your family is NOTHING like this perfect family (except Roseanne, of course) and you want to create that for yourself. You are inspired by your teachers and are determined to teach that EXACT social studies class when you get older. You see a house on the cover of a magazine at your dentist's office and are certain that you will live in that house by the time you're 25. Simple. Well, know-it-all kids, guess what? NO.
You can plan your life all you want, but in the end your life will just kind of HAPPEN to you. The choices you make, the people you choose to share your life with, the hard work you put into any little thing, THAT'S what life is. I'm telling you right now....you can't plan it. You can plan to go to college, graduate and work hard to procure your dream job, but the family thing will have wait. You can plan to have the 2.5 kids, the house and Mustard, but some of your passions and career aspirations will either be put on hold or disappear all together. The full package, as mentioned in the above high school assignment, is a myth. Sure, there are people that are living their perfect life, but I can guarantee you, their version of their perfect life has changed, in more ways then one.
The moral of the story, kids (HIMYM), is that happiness lies in your immediate vicinity. If not, change either your version of perfect or your surroundings. Either way, don't think about what you thought your life would be like. It's not that. It probably will never be that. But, you still win if you are happy. Always.
Robin please keep writing. I got goosebumps, tears and laughing going on at the same time. You are and always be so special to me. Everything you wrote is absolutely true. It is a conscious choice to be Happy. Love you girl
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! I love you too!!! whoisthis?
Delete-Robyn
Well, I could have told you that while we were in High School. In fact, I probably did. Actually, I remember that assignment and I really struggled to think of anything because I lost hope for future when I was about 4 years old. I was pretty much focused on survival; eating, safety and distractions to pass the time. I probably never even completed the assignment because I rarely completed any assignments. I had no prospects of going to college. If I did miraculously write anything, I knew it then that it was only empty words. At that time in my life what I hoped for was space. My own apartment where I could keep all the weird old stuff I used to collect like glass Clorox bottles I dug up from the forest. For many years I was obsessed with building forts from wood and refuse. The scenario was always the same survival; find food and build shelter in preparation for another unforgiving winter. I never dreamed of family, children or marriage but rather a continuation of childhood friendships. But most of the time when I tried to imagine my future all I saw was a black void and all I really wished for was peace. I know it sounds dramatic but it is the truth. I also remember being envious of you and your happy family.
ReplyDeleteToday I am still working to create that inner sense of peace and heal past traumas. I live alone in an RV parked along the tree line of a lush northwest pine forest as a volunteer Overnight Resident Assistant at a homeless shelter. I am also a full-time AmeriCorps*VISTA by day serving from a state office building. I graduated with honors from Alverno College with a BA in Community Leadership and Political Science. I love dancing; swing, lindy, waltz, foxtrot, cumbia, salsa, merengue, samba, norteno, any kind of social dace really, which is how I spend my free time. I never would have imagined that this life would be possible for me but I worked very hard every step of the way, always striving to discover my own version of happiness.
Thank you Robyn for sharing this reflection and giving me space to share mine.
Andrea, you wonderful woman. I love you and I'm proud of you. I think about you often and, while I didn't know all of the particulars of your story, I've always known that you are one of the most inspirational people I've ever known. XOXOXO
DeleteThank you for the thoughtful and compassionate words. My favorite family shows growing up were The Wonder Years and Rosanne. A few years back I started identifying with Aunt Jackie within my own family. And more recently I have been watching old episodes of The Wonder Years. I love that it is nostalgic, melodramatic and wise. The soundtrack is pretty great too.
Delete