A little background.....

I can remember the first time I snuck any kind of food when I was a kid.  I must have been about 6 years old and my Mom had just bought a big box of individually wrapped Twix bars for our lunches.  I had never seen candy in bulk like that.  Sure, I'd seen candy bars at the checkout line when grocery shopping with my Mom, but this was IN.  MY.  HOUSE.  I thought I had died and went to naughty girl heaven.  My Mom and Dadworked full time and when my sister and I got home from school, we would generally be alone for about an hour.  I knew that was my window for hijinx.  The next day after scool went something like this:

"Oh my GOD.  That WHOLE box of Twix are in the cupboard.  Right.  Now.  No, no.  Mom said I could have an  apple.  But....if I took ONE Twix from that GIANT box, she'll never notice.  OK.  Just ONE.  (Open cupboard.  Check if my sister is still in her room.  Yes.  Grab ONE Twix, run in the bathroom.  Lock the door.)  THIS is amazing.  I am now eating a forbidden treat, enjoying the HECK out of it, and no one will ever know.  This is too easy!  So easy, in fact, I think I'll go get another one.  (Cupboard.  Sister.  Grab.  Bathroom.  Lock the door.)  TWO?!  I just ate TWO Twix, which is the equivalent to the package that you buy at the store.  Totally awesome, totally got away with it, totally getting another one.  (CupboardSisterGrabBathroomLock).  This is the best day of my life.  I love candy.  I love being unsupervised.  I love that the box of Twix is SO huge, that I can eat as many as I want without my Mom ever noticing.  I'm....getting another one.  (Cupboard.  Sister.  Cupboard.  Looking in box.  You can plainly see some are missing.)  OK, Mom is going to notice FOUR Twix are gone.  I'm in deep doo doo.  How can I talk my way out of this?  I can't.  My Mom is smart and I am naughty.  No contest.  Screw it.  I'm eating the whole box.  I'm already in trouble and I'm going for it.  (Cupboard.  Don't CARE if sister knows at this point.  Take WHOLE box into the bathroom.  lock the door.  Eat until I have a tummy ache.)  THAT was awesome......but I feel sick."

Now, I don't remember what happened when my parents got home or how much trouble I got in, but I do remember the exhilaration and the happy feeling I got when eating those Twix in the bathroom.

SO.....now I'm 33 years old and I have been through some shit.  Most of the time, after a stressful day at work or thinking the losses in my life, I just want to go the store, buy a huge box of Twix and eat the whole damn thing.  But, I don't.  But I'll tell you what I DO do.....I come home from work, eat a shitty fast food large sized meal, sit in front of my TV, wonder how I got to be this fat and feel sorry for myself.  This is the truth.  I am ready to change that.

I'm hoping this blog will help me in my weight loss journey by sharing my stories with you out there.  My struggles, achievements, memories of how I got here and general getting-off-my-chest-ery.

Thanks for reading.  Much more to come.

XOXOXO