We've all had our share of memorable movie-going experiences. Some are memorable because they move you, some because they make you laugh or some because of their cultural significance. The following four 90's movies were memorable for ME for other reasons and I’d like to share those stories with you now – in order in which they were experienced……
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 – The Secret of the Ooze (1991)
This movie was HUGE with 90’s kids. In this film, we learn the genesis of the Turtles mutation, are introduced to some sort of Mega-Villain that I can’t totally remember, and, OH yeah, the hunk of hip hop - Vanilla. Ice. (Yep Yep). Aside from all that, this was a milestone in my adolescence because this was…..my very first date.
It was with this boy that I thought was REAL cool with his tiny, feathery mullet and some sort of Bart Simpson t-shirt. The only catch to this 11 year old child rendezvous was that both of our siblings had to accompany us. So, while we were awkwardly sharing popcorn while trying to keep our sweaty little paws in the proper movie-watching-hand-holding position, my sister was to my left and his brother was to his right – one or the other constantly staring and snickering at us. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but as an adult, I am more uncomfortable about the fact that I was even ON a “date” in 5th grade.
I don’t remember a ton of details about this prepubescent tryst, but what sticks out in my head most is that my sister did my hair for me in 2 french braids – Dorothy Gale style – for my big date. I thought it was the COOLEST. So much so that, when I returned home that night, I used half the bottle of my Mom’s Paul Mitchell hairspray to keep it in place for school the next day. I just kept spraying and spraying and spraying, thinking the more I sprayed, the more it would stay. The next day at school, kids were starting to whisper and point at me until one of my friends gave me a teeny mirror and told me to go look at the back of my hair in the bathroom mirror. I did as instructed and, you guys?, my entire head was one big ball of big white flakes and crusty knots. It was terrible. I didn’t know hairspray turned into crust when you apply 25 layers of it! Woops.
Ok, first date and first school humiliation. Check.
On to…....
2. The Crow (1994)
Oh my GOD did teens girls love this movie (at least the ones I hung out with). I think it was the mixture of Brandon Lee’s fatality while shooting the movie and pure-on teenage angst but secretly wanting someone to “get” them. I’ve only seen this movie the one time I saw it in the theater, but I do remember goth make-up, leather pants, and wanting to be The Crow’s love interest. “Dear The Crow, I am 15 years old and in desperate need of you to come to my bedroom window and make out with me…”
I remember one of my friends in particular would NOT stop talking about the end of the movie where, according to her, The Crow and his fiancée share the “best kiss I have EVER seen in my LIFE”. She said this kiss had changed her life, completely. She told me this before I actually went to see the movie, so I was very excited to get to see this extraordinary kiss she had raved about for WEEKS. I anxiously anticipated the end of the movie, knowing I would be blown away by the love portrayed on the screen through a single kiss. I was ready for my entire life to be changed forever. I was preparing to take mental notes on how to execute this wonderful kiss for future use. And then it happened……a normal fucking kiss. There was nothing special about this kiss, in my opinion. I feel like I had just seen my PARENTS kiss like that the night before. My friend had GROSSLY misled me. I don’t know if she was under some love spell from her first real crush of life, but that kiss was average at best. Of course, after I told her my opinion, she declared me insane and could not believe I didn’t cream my jeans over that dumb assed PECK between two (spoilers!) GHOSTS. Dumb. Please Netflix this movie, watch the ending kiss and let me know if it does anything for ya. Go. Do it now. I’ll wait……. SEE?!!?? NBD.
I guess the way she explained this kiss and the anticipation of waiting to see it is what was most vivid about this memory. Fuck The Crow and fuck that kiss. Next…..
3. Wyatt Earp (1994)
This one isn’t THAT coo-coo, but it burns in my memory banks just the same. I liked this boy, no, MAN, in high school (for a fleeting moment, in retrospect), and he FINALLY asked me out to a movie. I was so fucking nervous, for many reasons:
1. I had never gone out with an older dude.
2. He was like THREE years older than me and, when you’re 15, that’s like TEN adult years.
3. I was pretty sure he would want me to touch his wiener in exchange for this movie.
4. I had never touched a wiener before and did NOT plan to start now.
5. I had a VERY strict curfew on school nights, 9:30pm, and the movie started at 8:15pm.
So, we go to see Wyatt Earp. I don’t remember ONE thing about the movie except that it was called Wyatt Earp. The entire time we were in the movie theater my brain was switching rapidly from one concern to the next. Will I be grounded when I get home late? Will this guy I BARELY know DATE rape me? What will I do if he tries to make me do “stuff”? What will my Dad say to me when he finds out I’m with this older dude ALONE in car AND movie theater? My mind was going insane and about 45 minutes into the movie, I decided it was do or die. I had to do something that would a) get me home before 9:30pm and b) avoid any bodily contact of any sort between this boy and I. So, I d did the only thing my brain would allow – I pretended to barf on the floor of the theater. Right in the middle of Wyatt Earp. It was dark in the theater and no one would know I didn’t really puke. I just made coughing and gagging noises for, like, 5 seconds. The dude was SUPER freaked out and was like “GET UP!” We both got out of our seats and I pretended to step over the fake pile puke and he followed suit. We immediately went to his car and he drove me home in silence.
I made it home at 9:25pm.
I did not have to touch any wieners.
I was a genius.
4. Empire Records (1995)
This movie was GOOD. I find myself watching it every time it happens to be on TV to this day. The characters were relatable to my 16 year old self and the clothes, I thought at the time, were AMAZING. The only drawback to viewing this movie now is the resonating memory of what my friend did to the theater floor when we went to see it my Junior year.
My two friends and I went opening weekend to see this movie, after seeing countless commercials for it on MTV. We anxiously awaiting the opening credits and from the first minute of rockin' music and characters that were almost our age, we were in awe. This movie got it right. We were mesmerized by the hipness and didn't want to miss a single frame of the film. Well, apparently, my one friend REALLY didn't want to miss a thing..... After informing us that she needed to go to the bathroom, we were like "Go ahead, we'll fill you in on what you missed." She took that suggestion quite literally. Before I knew it, she was inching forward, undoing her jeans and squatting on the floor in from of her seat! She. Was. PEEING. In the theater. Just pissing away while Ethan Embry sang into a broom handle. I could not believe it. I actually STILL can't to this day. The theater rows were on a decline, so her pee pee just flowed right down to the front row......right at the feet of some unsuspecting preteen boys. It was the most shocking thing I had seen in my young life.
After the movie was over, and the credits were rolling, I noticed the boys in the front row getting up and looking down at their feet. I heard one of them say "Aw MAN! Someone spilled their Mountain Dew!!" I was mortified.
That was 100% a true story.
My two friends and I went opening weekend to see this movie, after seeing countless commercials for it on MTV. We anxiously awaiting the opening credits and from the first minute of rockin' music and characters that were almost our age, we were in awe. This movie got it right. We were mesmerized by the hipness and didn't want to miss a single frame of the film. Well, apparently, my one friend REALLY didn't want to miss a thing..... After informing us that she needed to go to the bathroom, we were like "Go ahead, we'll fill you in on what you missed." She took that suggestion quite literally. Before I knew it, she was inching forward, undoing her jeans and squatting on the floor in from of her seat! She. Was. PEEING. In the theater. Just pissing away while Ethan Embry sang into a broom handle. I could not believe it. I actually STILL can't to this day. The theater rows were on a decline, so her pee pee just flowed right down to the front row......right at the feet of some unsuspecting preteen boys. It was the most shocking thing I had seen in my young life.
After the movie was over, and the credits were rolling, I noticed the boys in the front row getting up and looking down at their feet. I heard one of them say "Aw MAN! Someone spilled their Mountain Dew!!" I was mortified.
That was 100% a true story.
I actually just realized one or more of you reading this may have been a part of one or more of these stories. If you remember them, I hope you got a good chuckle. For the rest of you, this has been just a small glimpse into my teenage life. Hope you enjoyed.
XOXOXOXO
XOXOXOXO
